Grief is Part of the Fabric of Adoption

Grief is a very real part of adoption. In this video, parents and an adult adoptee share this truth from their individual perspectives.

Peg: “Grief is part of the fabric of adoption. Grief is a piece of adoption picture that is there. Our children grieve, their parents grieve. Oftentimes, if families have fertility issues, they grieve that perfect child that they thought they were going to have. So grief is a huge part of adoption.”

Oriana: “You know, I think what is really different is this, what adoptees would say is this sort of life-long of grieving and having to work through that process that others don’t have to.”

Libby: “Always wondering what my biological family was like. If I was like them.”

Oriana: “And I would say also for the adoptive parents having this sort of fear and concern, ‘will I ever be enough for this child?’”

Jermaine: “I’ll give my all. I’ll give you the clothes on my back, the last dollar in my pocket. But is what I’m doing going to be enough, is my fear.”

Stephanie: “It’s true.”

Peg: “I think of a big piece of being an adoptive parent is understanding our children have a past. And our children have a family that they have left. And an understanding that for us when we adopt, we’re getting this precious gift. Our children are having a loss.”

Libby: “I have a very, I guess, up and down relationship with my adoptive mom. She’s always been very loving. I would say she is my best friend and I can talk to her about anything. But I think she really struggles with feeling like I’m going to replace her, that I found my birth mom, and now I don’t need her anymore.”

Peg: “There’s times that our kids grieve that we don’t understand, like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day. To anticipate that and to face it instead of to pretend it doesn’t exist.”

Oriana: “’How can I take my child’s pain away?’ I think many adoptive parents feel this. They want to be able to soften the journey like everybody wants to. And what adoptees will say is, you can’t. It’s my journey.”

Libby: “Because I don’t think a thing that anyone could have done or said would have helped me be less angry. It had to do with me meeting my biological family and knowing who they are and then getting to a point in my life where I could process adoption and be understanding from it. So I think it’s just learning more about who I am and where I came from and that this is my story.”

Transcript

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One thought on “Grief is Part of the Fabric of Adoption

  1. Adoptive families need flexibility in understanding the degree to which each individual has an interest in their origins. If the adoptive parents make it known that search is ok and they are open to assisting, the child will feel free to discuss their interest.

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